I try to take every opportunity to do the best I can, but in having to write this statement I realized just how difficult I find it to articulate or actually allow myself to focus on things that I conditioned myself to believe I am not good at. In turn, those thoughts lead me to think that I surround my life with barriers or even veils. Then, I realized that those same barriers and veils always seem to find a way in my work. I work intuitively for the most part. I don’t start off with big concepts, just a few ideas. I go with the flow of things during the process of creating, and then look back and question what is there.
I currently work with childhood imagery by using pictures from the past and the present environments that surround me and have surrounded me. I have come to realize that these current works are perhaps manifestations of how I currently view myself, and not so much about the pictures or my present surroundings. Yet, these images and environments help express my ideas. The faded shadow/silhouette in the video expresses the uncontrollable. I realized that the person in the video is not in control of the situation she is in, and perhaps that is an expression of how I presently feel. I do not feel in control or safe in my present circumstance. The layers in my work are like the patterns that make up our memories. These patterns are distorted and reside on different planes, and provide an image that is true and yet not true in its translucency. The imagery used is of the present, but is put in a sort of distorted context reflecting on both past and present. The images are from the present, and my memories are from both past and present. The undefined spaces between the two are those barriers and veils that seem to manipulate the present. Many of the images have varying layers and translucencies that seem to be symbolic of different feelings, but I feel I need to further investigate this idea. Some of the memories are very fragile and in these I intentionally leave all layers undefined, where they all seem to meld into each other. These also usually deal with loved ones and the idea that all things fade out and cease to exist. I believe that my work will always be inspired by my life and how my psychological make-up causes me to view things in my perspective. I am trying to view the work from a different perspective, but realize that I still view it through my attachment to the positive and negative thoughts that I seem to constantly create, rather than viewing it from a detached point of view. I am not sure if I will ever be capable of detaching myself from my work.