In my youth, my days would begin rather slowly. I would usually roll out of bed late in the morning and stumble about five feet over to my computer. Years later I still exercise this same ritual, but instead of hopping on the computer for recreational activity, I create artwork. This shift from recreation to artwork has not been complicated. Being a technology based artist, many of my creations are dependent on the use of a computer. This dependency, however, comes with a great weakness. This weakness is procrastination, and I am often tempted to take breaks while in the middle of my work and wander around various websites to ease my mind. This turns into countless hours of wasted time that could have been better used.
I have given this issue some serious thought and have come to the conclusion that the procrastination itself might be due to the lack of interest in my own work. This is not to say my works are uninteresting, but the loss of interest might come from my usual habit of over complicating simple situations. I strive to make only the best of work when it comes to art, and I always have my guard up. Mistakes are intolerable to me, and I am afraid to make mistakes while in the process of making art. This fear hinders my ability to work with a particular medium in an effective way, and gives me an unbearable amount of tension while working.
Experimentation, risk taking, and unknown results are things I grapple with in life as well as art. I tend to be too comfortable with the way situations are going or the way they are turning out, and I do not try to take them to the next level as I should. My paintings, for example, could be improved with the introduction of gel mediums to increase the effect of transparency which is important to their creation. I used them in the past and was unable to figure out how to use them effectively. They discouraged me, and I discontinued using them based on lack of skill, technique, and the fear of making something that looked un-presentable. I am very proud of the works I have created and surround myself in their completeness. They not only are a constant reminder of the hard work and determination that gave them life, but also a reminder that I need to let go of my restraints and allow myself to enjoy them even if they are not perfect.